I cannot believe that my surgery was 6 days ago. Today is Wednesday, August 26th and it is 11:00 AM. I've been up since about 4 AM. Several things woke me this morning.....mostly it seems that some of my drains were leaking. my machines were beeping like crazy, and the nurse came in to take my vitals - all at the same time. Needless to say, I could not get back to sleep. I haven't written since the day before the operation and there is so much I have to catch up on.
As many of you know, I was diagnosed with a neuroendocrine pancreatic tumor in 2009. My tumor was small and slow growing, and I did NOT have regular pancreatic cancer. You may also know that this was my third cancer diagnosis, therefore, the title of my blog. I am grateful that you are reading this. I'm quite certain that your support and prayers helped me survive.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Six Days Post Surgery
I cannot believe that my surgery was 6 days ago. Today is Wednesday, August 26th and it is 11:00 AM. I've been up since about 4 AM. Several things woke me this morning.....mostly it seems that some of my drains were leaking. my machines were beeping like crazy, and the nurse came in to take my vitals - all at the same time. Needless to say, I could not get back to sleep. I haven't written since the day before the operation and there is so much I have to catch up on.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Thanks for the advice....but I think I'll just swim!
- you should go to Germany where they induce very high fevers in people with cancer and the fever just burns the tumor right away
- you should become a Buddhist
- you should do TM (Transcendental Meditation) or just plain meditate
- you should change your diet
- exercise more
- exercise less
- drink red wine
- don't drink any alcohol
- stop drinking coffee
- gain weight
- eat a lot of ice cream
- eat tumeric (it's good for the pancreas)
- blog (what a great idea!)
- be positive (as if I'm not, or if being negative brought this on!)
- breathe (good one!)
- you should do acupuncture, do yoga, do Pilates
- you should get your energy released
- you should see a homeopath/an Ayurvedic doctor
- you should do guided imagery, listen to relaxation tapes, do hypnotherapy, be in psychotherapy
- get massages frequently
So, many of these do's and don'ts were and are excellent recommendations. I did actually take a lot of the advice I was given. For example, I did have my energy released, had several massages, did yoga, saw an Ayurvedic oncologist, exercised more, tried to gain weight, but I did not go to Germany. Each one of these recommendations, mind you, takes A LOT of time, and also costs A LOT of money.
I could have spent hours and hours, and thousands of dollars following everyone's suggestions.....but instead, I just swam A LOT. You see, swimming for me is all of the following:
- it is therapeutic
- it is hypnotic
- it is medatitive
- it's positive!
- it allows me to breathe rhythmically
- it stretches me out
- it makes me feel strong
- it puts me in "the zone"
- it allows me to do guided imagery
- being surrounded by water makes me feel amazing
- it's healing
- it's restorative
- swimming is magical
So, for all you swimmers reading this blog, I know you get it. For all you non-swimmers, I'm sorry if you don't understand what I'm talking about, and maybe you should give it a try. Swimming has gotten me through many difficult times in my life, particularly these past few months. I'm going to swim on Thursday morning at 5:45 AM - just a short swim before heading down to Palo Alto for my surgery which will be at 10 AM. We don't know how long I'll be out of the water, but however long it will be, it will be much too long for me. I'm going to miss the magic of swimming. But, hey, if you have any other advice for me you can always post it on the comment section of my blog.
Happy Swimming. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmyUkm2qlhA
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Pampering for Surgery!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
My normal - living with uncertainty
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Beautiful gifts received...
We did it!
Friday, August 7, 2009
Preparing for the race....and other things
How does one prepare for a swim like this? I think I've done all the work. I've been swimming consistently just about every day for years. Two plus miles daily is really nothing for me. Physically, I'm there - this is totally a mental thing. Which brings me to the preparation for my surgery, which will be in less than 2 weeks from today. Am I prepared? Physically, yes. The doctors all say that I am a "perfect surgical candidate" - how nice. I'm fit and healthy (except for the minor fact that I have cancer - a rare tumor on my pancreas). They say, I'm easy to "cut" into, because I don't have layers and layers of fat to cut through, and that I generally heal well. But still, I'm scared - similar to my fear of tomorrow's race. I suppose, the race tomorrow will be good practice for the surgery on the 20th.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Questions and answers.......
(written on Tuesday, August 4th)
I'm writing this update to you today on the 32nd anniversary of my first cancer surgery. Who could have ever imagined then, at the age of 21, that I'd be lucky enough to be writing to so many wonderful people, and having the opportunity to say "thank you for having touched my life is some special way" 32 years later? So, thank you to each and everyone of you receiving this email. Also, who could have imagined that 32 years ago, I would be going through a very similar journey today? Now, at the age of 53, I'm dealing with cancer for the 3rd time. This time around, I am so lucky to have my husband Richard, my fabulous kids, my parents and brother, and so many wonderful friends and family members here in Berkeley, CA and all over the country. What did we do 32 years ago? There was no email or Facebook (or blogs, like this) - how the heck did we all communicate? Anyway, I'm writing to bring you all up-to-date. The question and answer format seemed to work well the last time, so I will do it again today.
How are you feeling? Pretty good - but much more anxious than I have been. Now the reality has hit and my surgery is in 2 weeks and 2 days - but who's counting?
How was Israel? FANTASTIC! Truly the trip of a lifetime. Richard and I had the best time together - almost 3 weeks of traveling, hiking, sight-seeing, swimming, meeting family, watching David compete in the Maccabiah Games - it was life-altering!
How did David do? Great! He got a bronze medal in the Sprint Triathlon (18-19 age-group) and 17th overall in the 1/2 marathon! Very impressive!
Did Aly come with you? No - she is in Alaska doing a NOLS course (National Outdoor Leadership School), and comes home on the night of August 18th.
When is your surgery? August 20th. (See question above. The surgeon had changed the date to the 18th and I decided to wait so I could spend a day with Aly.)
What can I do? There will be a website set up with a calendar for visiting and meals. This will probably go up in a few days. My friend Susan will be sending it out.
Or you could: Support my team, Team Susan Survives, a team of more than 20 people who will be swimming in the SF Bay Area Swim Across America event on October 3rd (not me this year) - this event raises money for cancer research programs in the Bay Area. https://www.swimacrossamerica.org/teamsusansurvives
For those of you in Kingston - help Edna and Bill through this ordeal!!
Do you want visitors? Yes, absolutely! Again, check the website so everyone doesn't come on the same day! You can also send mail to me at: Stanford Hospital & Clinics
ATTN: Susan Helmrich
300 Pasteur DriveStanford, CA 94305
Driving Directions: http://stanfordhospital.org/directions/
What are you doing to prepare? On Saturday, Richard and I will be swimming in a 2.7 mile race at Donner Lake, near Lake Tahoe. This is a crazy and very difficult swim because it is in cold water (we'll be wearing wetsuits), a very long distance and at altitude - but hey, this can't be any more difficult than what will be happening to me on the 20th. The swim is going to be easy in comparison! Also, in the next two weeks, before my surgery, I'll be seeing friends and trying to eat as much healthy food as I possibly can.
Do you have a blog? Yes, actually, I do. However, there is nothing written on it yet. But there will be, and here is the link: http://susanhelmrich.blogspot.com/ I think that's about it for now.
Thank you all so much for your calls, emails, and gifts. The support you have given me so far has been amazing. Please understand how difficult it is for me to answer your emails and calls - I just cannot possibly keep up - but do know, I appreciate all of it. So, again, really, all I'm hoping for at this point is that you send good thoughts and prayers my way. While your at it, I have two dear friends, Jennifer and Andrea, who are also on this cancer journey, and please put them on your list as well. Prayers (or whatever you may call them) can be very powerful.
Until the next posting or if you go to my blog, be well. And, one more thing, of course: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmyUkm2qlhA
Love,Susan